Ranger Dan, the Only Man to Walk Out of Mythology Alive

  In the Davis Mountains, there exists a man named Ranger Dan.  This man is unlike any other man you have ever met.  I had the pleasure of meeting him at a boy scout camp where I was working.  This man is the personification of sheer badassness and being bat-crazy wrapped in one mortal body.  This man is very much real.

Ranger Dan and his trusty giraffe Too-Tall

  The picture above is the one that set Ranger Dan down the path of being a legend.  It was one day during summer when the sun was busy being hot as fuck and I was dying from dehydration.  It was some time around lunch I remember.  I was waiting at the end of the line for the campers to get their food first when out in the distance, I see Ranger Dan riding a huge horse.  I brain was fizzled so it comprehended that I was seeing a giraffe.  It took me 3 whole minutes to realize that is was a large horse.  My brain kept thinking "how did he get a giraffe to the middle of 'Where the Fuck are We,' Texas" and "I wonder if a giraffe is capable of traveling across this mountainous terrain with ease?"  I'm a little embarrassed about it, but I was justified for my absent-mindedness this time.  So like any sane person would do, I retold my experience in the form of a picture in some journal thing I had that I probably stole from some little kid by saying something like "Bitch you better give me that shit or I'm going to punch you in head!"

"Safe Swim"

  That picture turned into another several more like the one above with some witty saying about something about camp or something he said or did.  By the end of the summer, I probably had nearly 50 pictures of him doing wacky, zany things.  I was pretty proud and pretty damn popular too.  Everyone wanted to read this book, because frankly, it was the fucking shit.  I even got an award for it being so kickass.

  Now I know what you're thinking, who cares?  Let me tell you this man's credentials of awesome prowess.  About two or so weeks into camp, I hear a rumor about him and his run in with a cougar.  Now being the reporter I am, I had to find facts.  Putting my ear to the ground and searching around, I finally found it.  The story goes like this, a malevolent cougar was stalking around camp and being a creeper in general.  Ranger Dan was going to have none of this.  He set off into the mountains sometime after lunch to go try and scare it off and go ransack the cougar's home.  He not only found the home, he found the cougar.  He shot the mountain cat in the face with a .22 pistol.  A .22 pistol!  Right between the eyes.  That means he was really close to pull that kill off.  Finish him! Fatality!  If that wasn't enough, he carried the carcass back down the mountain and had him stuffed and put him in the living room because Ranger Dan keeps what he kills. 

None of this picture is exaggerated.  Except maybe the number of claws.

  I am going to put new Ranger Dan pictures up here as I draw them because I have a new scanner and am eager to use it for any and everything, so check back often for more tales of awesomeness.