Baile de Muerte.

  It's Spring Break right now and I had to make a long drive to get home.  There is something about driving 2-hours through car-infested highways that is just physically exhausting.  It really makes the butt cheeks sing once you get out of the car.

  For years, I have always thought of the highways as the most synchronized dance of death.  Every one is doing their part to not eat shit in the pile of metal, death, and fire that is known as a 15-car pile-up.  I, as the main character and choreographer of the production of Baile de Muerte, have the strict job of making sure everyone is nailing their parts in perfect harmony or I will be laughed right off of Broadway, in this case, dying like a bitch. 

  So as I was driving through hill country on my way down to Houston, there is a part of the road that goes up a hill in about a 26 degree angle.  Luckily my car can handle it, but that's not the point.  It got me thinking that this highway is nothing more than a big, not so theatrical roller coaster.  My car can go just as fast or faster as any roller coaster, the hills provide the thrills, and the other cars provide the danger.  It made time go by a little faster imagining it. 

This ride would be so bittersweet. 

The List.

  As I have lived my short life, like most of us, I keep a mental list of everything that pisses me off or something I hate.  Ok, this is how this works.  For everything I have written down, add Fuck You to the beginning of it.  Then, I list what I hate and why.  Pretty straight forward I would imagine.

Fuck You...

  ...Cancer.  You killed my dog.

  ...Hulu.  You used to be cool.  Now you charge to watch your shit.

  ...Team Rocket.  Quit trying to steal my Pokemon.  I went to the fucking work of catching them.  If you would would catch something more intimidating that a fucking Rattata, maybe you could stand a chance at your goals.

  ...Gamefreak.  You keep encourage Team Rocket.

  ...Scar from the Lion King.  You cut Mufasa down in his prime.  You're lucky he comes back as a ghost or I would ice your ass myself.

  ...Steven.  Is it so hard to pick up a fucking phone or shit, even reply on Facebook?  You could at least pretend to still be my friend or at least tell me that we can't be friends anymore.

  ...Mazda.  You made a shitty car and you know it and you still let me get it.  If it's not one problem, it's another.

  ...Math.  For years you have been putting me down and I'm fed up with it.  I'm not stupid!  I just have a hard time focusing on what the fuck I'll need Trig for in any part of my life.

  ...Mark Zuckerburg, the CO-creator of Facebook.  Yeah I saw that shit ass movie, "The Social Network."  It fucking sucked.  I don't like the smug little shit that you were portrayed as which I can only assume is how you act in real life.

  ...Gas Prices.  Quit being a tool.

  ...The White Walls of My Apartment.  God I'm tired of staring at your blankness.  I need a woman's touch to redecorate my place.

  ...Dish Network.  You take away my Cartoon Network to put up 3 MTV2 channels?  Who the fuck do you think you are?

  ...Racism.  Get over yourself.

  ...Yelllow Jackets (the insect).  I still have not forgotten about the physical and psychological torment you put me through.

  ...Hot Pockets (for the moment).  You gave me the worst burn in my life.  I haver never felt so much pain before.

  ...Fighting-type Pokemon.  Can you be any more over powered?!

  ...College.  Why do I have to take TWO years of a forgein language?  I'm not planning on moving to Germany in the next 50 something years.

  ...Jobs.  Just hire me; I'm a good worker.

  ...iPhone.  You're such a smug, pretentious little shit, but I can't live without you anymore.

  ...Women.  Why do you have to have so many complicated emotions?

  ...Salads.  I would eat you more if you didn't taste so awful.  I'm not meant to live that way!  I have sharp teeth for a reason!

  ...Heroes (the TV show).  The first season was so awesome and the others just weren't.  You kept my interest for 3 more seasons by throwing some stupid fucking twist that had no impact on the story.

  ...Writing.  I HATE writing!

  ...Golf Cart Guy.  You aren't cool and you're definitely not funny.  Don't look at me.  Don't talk to me.  Don't even make eye contact with me.  Just do your job and drive me to and from school.

  ...The Red Head that checks out cameras at school.  Why are you such a bitch?  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to put you in your place, but didn't because you were in charge of the cameras I have to check out for class.  I hear you're in London right now.  I hope you are having a shitty time eating British food and listening to the Beatles.

  ...The Beatles.  I don't like you singing your songs.  If someone sings them then fine, I'll listen to it.  If Chris Cornell sings one, I'll love it.  I just don't want you singing them. 

  ...Wolverine from the X-Men.  I don't know why I don't like you, but I don't.

  ...Black Kid from my P.E. class in my freshmen year in high school.  I should have fought you when I had the chance.  I regret almost every month that I didn't hit you right in your fucking face.

  ...Bad Drivers.  You know who you are.  You don't believe you are, but I know for a fact you are.  Good drivers don't watch Youtube when they drive.

  ...Cancer...Again.  You killed my dog you piece of shit.  You better not let me catch you on the streets at night.  Shit, you better not let me catch you anytime of the day.  I'll ruin your whole day.