Now if you tried the previous celibacy technique for parents of young, naive kids. But Derek, my kid is semi-intelligent! He didn't believe a damn word you said! Well reader, let's be honest, it was a half-baked plan to begin with. And you obviously didn't show him this picture:
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| Did you tell him this was going to explode out of his wiener? Now we're both to blame. |
Well I have a back up plan. It's time to set this kid straight. Ambush him....again. Tie him up against his radiator if you have to. You're about to give this little shit The Talk. I'll let you use the talk I gave. Now I'm not a parent, but I do have a large, child-like friend.
This guy was telling me that he was probably going to have sex soon with his Internet girlfriend and telling me his crack pot ideas about sex was like. He based every bit of information off of Attack of the Show, a show with a fan base that has never seem a woman's genitals. I had to pump the breaks right then and there. The boy had it all wrong. Then as Mufasa once lectured me, I lectured him.
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| "Oh, the penis goes it the vagina. Well that makes much more sense." |
Like Mufasa did, I taught him that everything the light touches will be his when I have become a part of the circle of life. The analogy there was that any woman I have ever looked at becomes his property after I die and become grass for the antelopes. Long story short, it didn't happen and I still look like a great mystic shaman from the Kenyan Serengeti. I love this movie. There is not a single life lesson it can't teach.
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| It went EXACTLY like this. A touching father-surrogate son moment. |
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